Dion Pugil’s home in a Rock

Brief moments of lucidity.

This is when I think God likes us most. When there’s less bull, and more real.

Some old men went to Abba Poemen and asked,"If we see brothers sleeping during the common prayer, should we wake them?"
Abba Poemen answered,
"If I see my brother sleeping, I put his head on my knees
and let him rest."
Then one old man spoke up,
"And how do you explain yourself before God?"
Abba Poemen replied,
"I say to God: You have said, 'First take the beam out of your own eye and then you will be able to remove the splinter from the eye of your brother.' "
Taken from "Stories from the Desert Fathers".

Yesterday me and wife started going to the "40 day with purpose" program that they're doing in the church we sometimes go to. It was very interesting. And it was good for a lot of different reasons.

The guy in charge was one of the pastors of the church. A positive man, with good attitude and what I'd call, a simple approach to christianity. A man of faith, a smile and who's sort of got the formula working. A good guy.

His entire family was there. 3 daughters and his teenage son. Also a woman named Ana, and a middle aged couple. All good people.

First there's this introductory video, where a pastor said that through the DVD that a life without a purpose was empty, void, meaningless. All of this based on Eclesiastes 1 (which I enjoyed a lot). I like Salomon's depression after staring at life for a while.

Then the pastor explained the good things that come with a purpose. Motivation and focus. (Those two stood out).

The good thing is that people get to talk from time to time, you know, say what "you think" about a certain subject. This was funny, because I got to know a bit about myself. I had a strong desire to take over the entire thing and give long speeches about every single thing. But sure enough, I would have enjoyed that more than the rest of the people.

So here's a bit of what people feel about life the most:

• That it's out of control.
• That it's emptiness.

And what people feel a life with a purpose would be is:

• Having motivation.
• Having a clear goal.
• Sharing your load with God.

So that was the basic outline of what happened there.

Now here's a bit of stuff I thought of. The pastor mentioned that he came to Christ out of fear of eternal damnation. Why did you come to Christ at the very beggining?

That's when it hit me!!! I could remember perfectly! The only reason I came to Jesus was out love and the desire to seek God. Jesus charmed me with his parables. He was so misterious. He was so different and his teachings so strange to me. I remember that I didn't know the New Testament texts. It was so amazing.

Thanks to the pastor's question I was able to see that I wasn't drawn to God through fear (is it actually possible to be drawn to anyone through fear?). I was taught fear through the church. I learned from them about the supposedly existing problem of "saved" or "unsaved," about "accepting Jesus" and about "eternal conscious torment."

Anyways, the good thing is knowing that I started on the right foot. Which by the way, I have no intention of leaving.

Also, it was so funny to see that the average evangelical's belief about eternal life in "heaven" is exactly the same as the Egyptian Osirian religion. (My stepdad being an egyptologist, I was able to enjoy this). Funny that evangelicals mention egypt as "the bad guys" not knowing that they have inherited so much of their beliefs from them.

So all of this was from only one night. It'll be 5 weeks of group meetings. I hope I learn and make the best of it. Me and Yeri.

One of the first things to learn if you want to be a contemplative is how to mind your own business.

Nothing is more suspicious, in a man who seems holy, than an impatient desire to reform other men.

A serious obstacle to recollection is the mania for directing those you have not been appointed to direct, reforming those you have not been asked to reform, correcting those over whom you have no jurisdiction.  How can you do these things and keep your mind at rest?  Renounce this futile concern with other men’s affairs!

Pay as little attention as you can to the faults of other people.  And none at all to their natural defects and eccentricities.

 -Thomas Merton. Seeds of contemplation

Just thought it was worth posting it again… and again… and again… and again. 

Malcolm Gladwell, author of “Blink” and “The Tipping Point” has written an article for The New Yorker called “The Cellular Church.” In it, he writes about Rick Warren, the guy from The Purpose Driven Life, and how he built his ministry.

I recommend this article for various reasons:

• Gladwell is a good writer and as I’ve said before, reading good stuff is good for you.
• It gives a very interesting and inspiring view of Rick Warren.
• It talks about today’s evangelical church in the U.S. and worldwide.

Honestly, it’s changed my mind about how I thought about Rick Warren. I confess that I used to be an idiot in thinking that simply because someone has made millions of dollars from a book, then that he was some sort of superficial, “light” christian guy (as opposed to poor and deep) (man am I stupid). Warren’s got what I’d call [sorry for the language] balls. He’s got a strong faith and will.

Let me know what you think.

One of the first things to learn if you want to be a contemplative is how to mind your own business.

Nothing is more suspicious, in a man who seems holy, than an impatient desire to reform other men.

A serious obstacle to recollection is the mania for directing those you have not been appointed to direct, reforming those you have not been asked to reform, correcting those over whom you have no jurisdiction.  How can you do these things and keep your mind at rest?  Renounce this futile concern with other men’s affairs!

Pay as little attention as you can to the faults of other people.  And none at all to their natural defects and eccentricities.

“Seeds”, Thomas Merton, selected and edited by Robert Inchausti, Shambhala, 2002 Part Three, Antidotes to
Illusion, PRAYER, MEDITATION, CONTEMPLATION p.88 

You want to read a good good post written by Seraphim.

This little essay made me think about our Lord, 100% perfect spiritual pitch, being a loving, humble and kind person all his life.

“…for I am gentle and lowly in heart,…”

Mat 11:29

Last weekend I went with my wife to the Panama border down south. She didn’t know the region and well, I had the weekend off and we thought to go drive for hours and have a good time. Down there there’s a tax free place to go and shop, so we thought we would even buy some stuff.

We packed, got in the car, prayed, and off we went. The scenery was beautiful. Once I left the city I was able to remind myself why this is called one of the most beautiful counties in the world. It’s all green. It’s all blue. There’s no room for anything but trees and fruits and blue skies.

We got there. All went well exept that I didn’t look for a place to stay early in the afternoon. I thought, what the heck, we’ll just look for a room late at night. It’s not like there isn’t going to be a room to stay in.
As the moon showed up, we said, OK let’s go look for a place to sleep. No room. No room. No. Nope. Nope, sorry. Sorry. We’re full.
I’m praying now. This town is no Disneyland. Golfito is a small town 25 miles from Panama. Not very popular, not very pretty, but since we were shopping there, it simply was the only option we had.

3 hours. I searched every single place. Motels, hotels, rooms, bed and breakfast. No place to stay. And here comes the big surprise for me. I freak out. I totally 100% start loosing it.

Now this might sound like a normal reaction, but you don’t know me. I stay cool. I don’t get all messed up under stress. I’ve always handled things pretty cooly since I’ve been a kid. Well, not this time says God. This time, stuff’s gonna happen.

I was already 10 miles outside of town, still looking for a place to sleep. (You see, sleeping in the car just isn’t an option in those parts of the world. No security. No police. It’s no man’s land. And I’ve got my wife to think about). So I got to the last bed and breakfast before hitting the main highway. Last option.

No room. Sorry.

And here comes something new to me: terror. Cold, cold terror. My stomach became a tight knot and adrenaline started flowing. Adrenaline O.D. I start throwing up. The idea of the dark highway became terrifying. The idea of the lonely streets became terrifying. Everything became terryfying. Dear God help me, I don’t want to die.

I don’t want to die? What’s going on with me? That’s what I wondered while I was lying on the floor vomiting. Then it all came back to me. My dad driving drunk with me and my 6 year old sister late at night. Darkness. Unknown streets. We drove off into a bank in a mountain. The car rolling. Walking in the darkness holding my sister’s hand trying to stay calm so that she wouldn’t faint from the fear.

It was all coming to me now. 22 years later. It was now in the surface. I was petrified at the thought of driving in the dark. Responsible again not for my sister’s well being but now for my wife’s. Fear as I had never experienced born from within me reaching out. Fear gripped me all night and didn’t let go.

God provided a place to stay. The owner of that last bed and breakfast let us stay in her own house. A blessing. Generosity beyond what I’d do for anyone I didn’t know.

Next day driving back home I felt OK again. I was happy talking to my wife. I’m explaining to her what I felt the previous night. We drove happily for hours and as night time came again, so did the terror. I started shaking a little in the driver’s seat and in a shaky voice said to my wife “It’s here again. I can’t drive. I’m scared.”

Diarrhea. Stomach knot. I went to the bathroom in a nearby McDonalds. I washed my face and said to myself “OK, so what’s the worst that could happen?” It sort of helped.

Back in the car my wife said “Please drive back home. I know you’re scared. But please go on. In 2 hours we’ll be able to get home. There’s no real reason to not do it. It’s all ghosts. Go on. If you can, go on.”

I started driving. I thought. Well, if something happens someone will help. We’ll get help. This is a friendly country. We’re 2 hours from home. Oh God help me get home. Help me drive. Help me get a grip on myself. I started singing old church songs I know by heart. Then some James Taylor, Cat Stevens and some Beatles.

I made it home. It was all OK.

I’m greatful God got those buried down fears that lived inside of me and brought them to the light. I’m glad it all reached the surface. I’m glad He’s in the Healing Game. I’m really happy I could see the darkness that lived inside of me face to face. All these years living with that buried down there, hard to believe.

May God heal us always. May God protect us always.

Questions make me feel lost sometimes. Like I’m off track.

Is it wrong that I question things? Could it be that I don’t know God? Am I supposed to believe everything that’s in the Bible and never have questions? Am I trying to be philosophical insted of a christian? Am I going off track?

Since I’ve been having some of these “tough” questions I decided I should talk to someone who could understand me and give me some advice. So this morning I called Brother George.

Brother George is a Benedictine Monk who was my history teacher in high school. He’s just like you imagined: white beard, belly, sandals, round glasses and a really big smile. He was the toughest teacher I’ve ever had. He demanded all you had and more. He has dedicated his entire life to his vows of poverty, silence and giving shelter. He’s adopted and raised 44 kids during his life. Most of whom are already independent and in college. He’s now raising a couple of kids. Identical twins!

So I call him up and after we say hello I tell him “George, I need to go and see you. I’ve got some weird hard questions about religion, life, and God. I really need to talk to you.”

“That’s what it’s all about my boy. God expects nothing less from you. Asking tough questions is the least you can do.”

What a different perspective. I was taught in church to “not go around questioning God.” “You think too much” everyone would say.

George says it’s the least God expects from me. I guess it’s true. To love God with all your heart, soul and mind, you have to dive right into it all. Dive into the mystery. Dive into the Word. Dive into prayer. It’s the least I can do.